by Abbie Gatherum
‘I wish I’d eloped.’ ‘I don’t even remember my wedding day.’ ‘It’s all over in a flash!’
These are the words I’ve heard time and time again as a bridesmaid and wedding guest throughout my twenties. They are words that have sparked a profound question regarding my own wedding day: do I really want to have a wedding?
I’ve always admired the elegance and charm of weddings, but I never imagined myself as the type to have one. Not because I didn’t want to celebrate what is meant to be one of the biggest days of my life with my loved ones, but because I was afraid that my wedding, like so many of the weddings I had been to, would prioritise the guests’ enjoyment over the focus of the marrying couple.
When my fiancé got down on one knee and popped the question in September 2023, I was filled with both excitement and dread. Of course, I was ecstatic that the love of my life wanted to marry me, but I also couldn’t stop thinking about what this meant. Would I become one of those brides spending fortunes only to barely remember my supposed ‘special day’? Did I even want to get married in a world where its traditional significance has shifted? What does marriage even mean in today’s world where there are so many diverse ways of showing love and companionship? And above all, with the financial strains of modern life, could I even afford to have a wedding?
Can younger generations actually afford to get married?
A recent survey by Easy Weddings of over 4,000 engaged and recently married couples found that the average cost of a wedding in Australia was $33,810. After talking to wedding venues, caterers, and many other suppliers after my own proposal, I would argue that this number is probably at least $50,000.
It is no surprise then that so many young adults within my generation are forfeiting traditional weddings and choosing to elope instead. In the past, eloping was known to stir up drama, hinting at impulsive decisions and family disapproval (we’ve all heard of the Las Vegas wedding scandals). But when the pandemic happened, couples were forced to decide whether to delay their wedding day or drastically scale it down. Many couples chose the latter, eloping in their backyard with one or two of their closest friends or family members, having weddings over Zoom or enjoying micro-weddings in local parks and beaches while focusing on the legalities of a wedding rather than the celebration. This has led to de-stigmatising what elopements mean and has encouraged couples to explore their options and think outside the box.
The idea to elope with my fiancé, rather than have a big traditional wedding was something that had been on my mind when I first got engaged, and it solidified when I realised that the small house deposit I would have to spend on a wedding in Melbourne could be better spent on a lavish holiday. In fact, I realised that I could probably spend half of that on a luxury holiday, sign the dotted line in a courthouse, and still walk away happy, with experiences that will remain with us for a lifetime and a chunk of money still sitting in my savings for my future.
Do younger generations actually want to get married?
The question of why we choose to get married in the first place, let alone spend several thousands on one day that holds its significance on archaic traditions, has been something of a hot topic among my peers over the last decade, and it’s something I questioned as I started to consider my own wedding plans. The institution of marriage is over 4,350 years old, with the main goal of marriage in the past being to serve as an alliance between families. Parents would arrange marriages for their children that would economically benefit both sides.
Knowing this, it begs the question, ‘why do we still do it?’ Why do we still get married and why do we encourage all the traditions that weddings 4,000 years ago created? Why do we freak out if the bride sees the groom on the morning of the wedding knowing that the superstition comes from a time rooted in arranged marriages, where seeing one another would bring bad luck? And perhaps the oldest and most outdated tradition of all: getting walked down the aisle. Why do I need to do this when the tradition dates to a time when women were considered their father’s property and were being exchanged for a dowry or gift? These are some of the common wedding traditions that so many people still uphold today as though they were legislated law, rendering weddings a questionable affair.
Are younger generations actually getting married anymore?
As I delved into researching the wedding industry to try and determine what I wanted and why I would want to do any of the traditions, I noticed an interesting trend among my peers that surprised me. Although the Australian population has more than doubled since the early 1970s, the number of marriages registered each year hasn’t increased. In fact, a recent marriage survey that asked whether Millennials and Gen Z wanted to get married found 85% ‘don’t feel marriage is needed to have a fulfilling and committed relationship.’ Many young adults said they weren’t interested in weddings at all, while others said they were more focused on their careers, education and well-being rather than tying the knot. I also believe that these trends go a little further, thanks to the rise of cohabitation in relationships and the change in attitude toward the typical pure and virginal idea of marriage. Not to mention the costs involved.
This made me realise that I wasn’t alone in my rejection of the traditional idea of weddings. It was a generational thing. We simply weren’t getting married anymore, or if we were, we were redefining it. Among this declining trend in weddings, my own research led me towards the trend in micro-weddings and elopements, two wedding ideas that Gen Z and the latter half of the Millennial Generation were choosing to do.
Why I’m choosing to elope
One wedding photographer I came across in my research defines elopement as ‘an intimate, experience-driven, intentional celebration of your relationship that focuses on what matters most—two people exchanging their vows and committing their lives to one another,’ and I couldn’t agree more. I realised that while I wanted to get married, I desired something far more intimate than a traditional wedding. I wanted an experience that focused on building happy, lifelong memories with my future husband rather than an intimidating stream of payment plans and a few hours on a single day that I might not even remember.
While researching what I wanted my elopement to look like, I discovered that many resorts in some of the world’s most stunning destinations offer affordable elopement packages, enabling us to tie the knot in a breathtaking location that wouldn’t break the bank. I chose Fiji and am now planning the perfect elopement for 2025, completely stress-free and well under the average price of a typical wedding.
Deciding to elope wasn’t easy. It meant some of our nearest and dearest wouldn’t be there to celebrate with us. Yet, eloping felt genuine, putting us at the heart of our wedding day. It allowed us to create a celebration that truly reflects who we are and the love we share. By foregoing outdated traditions, we’re crafting an authentic and memorable experience aligned with our generation’s values—a wedding experience I know many Gen Z’s and Millennials also feel more comfortable with. It’s a decision that feels right to many of us because it leaves us with cherished memories and a celebration that’s uniquely ours.
What do you think about weddings? Do you believe in adhering to traditional customs, or do you prefer to create your own unique celebration? Have recent events, like the pandemic, reshaped your perspective on weddings and celebrations?
Abbie Gatherum is completing her Masters of Creative Writing, Publishing and Editing part-time at the University of Melbourne while freelancing and volunteering at any and all writers events she can. When she’s not studying, she’s working on the edits of her third novel, travelling the world and enjoying the freedom that comes with not having to plan her wedding.
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